30 by 30

I was inspired recently to make a bit of a bucket list. I decided that seeing as I am turning 30yrs old in 4 years that I would make a list of 30 things I want to accomplish by the time I am 30. Some of them are fairly easy, some are left up to God's timing, and some of them will require a real commitment and drive to get them accomplished.  Take a look...

1. Travel to Cambodia again. COMPLETE!
2. Sew an evening gown.
3. Have another baby. (Up to God with this one)
4. Bike the 22km around Rottnest Island. We biked part way last week biking 16km. I enjoyed it so much that I want to cycle around the entire island.
5. Read all of Jane Austin's novels. IN PROGRESS
6. Travel to Europe.
7. Go out to dinner and eat dessert before the main meal.
8. Visit Caerlaverock castle.
9. Go Rock'n'Roll dancing again. I used to do rock'n'roll lessons when I was younger and really miss it.
10. Act and sing in a musical. Again, something I used to do when I was younger.
11. Complete a 365 photo project taking one photo a day for an entire year. IN PROGRESS
12. Grow my hair long enough to touch my bottom. IN PROGRESS
13. Give blood. I am terrified of needles. Enough said. COMPLETE!
14. Read the entire Bible from start to finish. IN PROGRESS
15. Spend one whole day without talking. Those of you who know me know that this could be a tough one! 
16. Witness a birth.
17. Breastfeed - this is dependant on task number 3.
18. Learn to Crochet. COMPLETE!
19. Eat Sushi. My hubby has been trying to persuade me to try it for years but I'm too chicken. hmmm... maybe I'll try the chicken... - COMPLETE!
20. Surprise hubby with a weekend away somewhere.
21. Complete my family tree cross stitch.
22. Change a tire by myself.
23. Set up our Christmas tree with only handmade ornaments I have made on it.
24. Own a dress makers mannequin.
25. Complete my Farmer's Wife quilt.
26. Watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yes I admit it. I've never seen it! COMPLETE!
27. Watch an All Blacks game live.
28. Take our son James (2yrs old) to the snow.
29. Make curtains for all the windows of our house.
30. Complete 30 acts of selflessness on my 30th birthday.

So what do you think of my list? What would you put on yours?

Another pregnancy test - wasted

If I were to be honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I'm starting to get angry now.

We have been trying to conceive our second child for 16 months now. Endless waiting, pregnancy tests, frustration, sadness, and watching our beloved son getting older and older without a sibling. At this stage James will be at least 3 years old by the time bub number 2 arrives - if he or she ever does.

Why can't we seem to get pregnant? God don't you want us to have more kids? Is James to be an only child? With no-one to play with? How can this be? How many more months am I to sit crying and frustrated in the bathroom starting at yet another single red line pregnancy test?

Mentioning this to anyone always seems to bring on the advice "just stop trying and relax and it will happen". Those people usually never had to wait over a year to conceive. They don't understand that try as hard as you can it's nigh on impossible to relax and pretend you dont want to get pregnant this month. That each month gets you more stressed which of course doesn't help but is inevitable.

Adoption takes 5-7 years. Fostering can leave you heartbroken when the child you have come to love returns home. We have fostered teenagers before and it was hard but awesome. I want to foster again but how can I open myself up to the heartache?

I want a second chance at breastfeeding. It didn't work with James and I've always been sad about that. I want a chance to see James play with a brother or sister. I want to make baby clothes and dress MY child in them rather than everybody elses. I want a chance to have a vaginal birth rather than a c-section.

Yes, it's testing day and I'm not pregnant.